I literally feel like I went to bed August 31 and woke up on September 30. What a month! I remember, in my grade school days, when I couldn't wait for September, and it felt like it would never get here. I was the nerd who liked school and couldn't wait for the new year to start.
This year, the year 2014, September started out at full speed running a marathon. The first week we spent every night spending time with my dyeing mother-in-law. As strange as it sounds, those were healing days. Though it's hard to see a dear loved one like that, it was a chance to say goodbye. Memories, like her last meal. Coffee and Donuts. Her daughter feeding her pinches of the glazed donut my husband brought her, and I having the privilege of giving her sips of her coffee from a spoon. And then there's the time, when I would go into her room and say "hi" and 'love you mom', when she opened her eyes, smiled and tried to say something back. And then, after she went fully unconscious, one of the last times I held her hand. Her soft warm hand. As I walked out of the room that night, I slowly let my hand slip out of hers, feeling her so very soft warm hand glide over mine. A memory I'll forever treasure. Then that night, that September 8th night. As I stood at the end of her bed. Her loving husband on one side of her holding her hand, her daughter, my husband and daughter all standing around her bed, seeing her peacefully take her last breath. lay there so still, so peaceful. As her color left her face, I found myself asking if this was real. Waiting for her to take a breath again. And then realizing that she was gone from us but present with her sweet Heavenly Father. I picture her laughing and hugging and talking with her sister, parents, and all of her loved ones that had gone on before her.
September 8th was quite a day. I'd be lying if I said I was strong and had courage through it all, I wasn't. Oh I know God doesn't give you more than you can handle. And I know God is in control. And I know all things work out for good for those whose trust in him. Yes I know this and more and I believe all of it. My human heart still weighs heavy. The tears still flow freely. My brain still goes blank. I'm so so happy God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit lives in me! My husband received news that morning that he had to have a heart cath that following Friday. It was suspected that he had a possible blockage. And with still a heart valve leak from a major heart valve repair only 18 months earlier, it was a possibility he could go into an open heart surgery again. Then as the day progressed he found out some other devastating news. Then we ended the day with the passing of his sweet Mother.
Yes as I said earlier, his mom went peacefully and is out of pain in Heaven, singing and laughing with the angles and all the loved ones who went before her. My husbands heart cath went smoothly and his heart is good, leak is very small, and no blockage. Now we wait on the other situation. I know all will be okay, even better than okay. We are actually excited waiting to see what God has for us. God is Holy! God is Awesome! Am I weird? Some might argue that. But, no I am blessed! Thank you Heavenly Father!
Well, now it's almost the middle of October. We are still unknown about the 'other' situation I spoke of earlier. As soon as it's safe to share what I'm talking about I will. It's mostly the unknown that's the hardest.
And I see all around me people, co-workers, family, friends, dealing with similar situations. It can get so overwhelming. All I can do is pray. Give it to God. Ask our Heavenly Father what He wants me to do. Prayer is so powerful, we have no idea. I do underestimate the power of prayer. God continuously surprises me.